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Archive for November, 2007|Monthly archive page

In Uncategorized on November 6, 2007 at 5:21 am

There’s a feeling building in my chest. Perhaps it’s because of my new job, perhaps it’s just me wearing my emotions on my sleeve, but it bothers me. My body is exhausted from being yelled at every day. I come home, I cry, then I start to cry about crying. I don’t want to feel like this anymore. I need to find an outlet, a balance for my life.

My first day off I was energized from having a job again, so I tore my room apart. It’s still that way. I’m out of observation mode and wearing big girl pants now. Tomorrow I take my photos on my own. So the burden of being yelled at falls completely on my shoulders.

“Do you have an application?”
“Hm?”
“Cause I could be doing your effin’ job.”

Yeah, some lady said that while I was training last week. Not because I was taking bad photos, not because I was taking long or being rude in return, but because her child’s shoes weren’t showing up in the picture. Hmm…

That made me realize how much I should have kept with college even if it wasn’t what I wanted. At least it would have given me a way out of this place. A way out of Southern New Jersey. This is where people go when they have no place else to turn. I’m very lucky to have such a great support system because they don’t let me believe this is where I belong.

I’m better than Southern New Jersey.

I’m tried. Like I always am.