soundsdelicious

In Uncategorized on November 26, 2006 at 9:52 am

I feel like a mime stuck in a “box”.

When I reach out, it feels like I touch something real, but only fall through the invisible wall when I press up against it. It seems I get this way when I see the people I graduated with on MySpace or through a blog site. I start to read about their lives of getting married, reading Islamic political theories, and just have a … a life worth talking about.
The only life I can talk about is one I made up with pixels. Certainly I can admit I play too much, or at least I did, but it doesn’t bother me. I just don’t want to be dealing cards to my ex-best friends as they laugh inside about the situation of my life. Is it my choice not to be ambitious? Or can I just settle for what’s easy, what’s going to bring me money right now? Why can’t I stomach school anymore? Is this just what I’ve become? ..is it even as bad as I think it is?

Yes, I do need to work on my time management, but should I be ashamed I want to be a dealer in Atlantic City and not a Politicial Science/History teacher I told myself I wanted to be when I left High School?

Honestly, is it all just a game? We grow up believing we can be anything we want to be, having huge dreams for ourselves. Does anyone show us how to make that possible besides sticking your nose in a book? The basis for everything come from the root (knowledge) and it’s obtained by reading, by exploring, by learning… I understand that, but what about flipping houses? I plan to learn about real estate, go into the field, work a while, then build up to buying my own properties and flipping them.. but is there a book that can truly teach you that? What happened to hands on training!?

It’s fustrating. Fustrating enough to not want to be bothered, to be agitated..

..which I am right now. That’s why I’m not sleeping.

-Ja.

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