In Uncategorized on November 22, 2006 at 11:02 am

Starting Over:

1. Erasing the past. Beginning one’s life as though they’ve came fresh from the womb.

2. Finding a band-aid for old wounds, sopping up the tears & living again.

3. Starting a new chapter in life. Learning from the mistakes without letting them bog you down.

My eyes, my mouth, my fingers, my brain.. they’ve all been asleep too long. Certainly I’ve filled part of my brain (probably those dealing with spelling and whit) with Piratical knowledge, but I believe I’m over that stage in life. My game has become my passion. Why not call me a jock? Often I feel that way, expect without the social acceptance. Over time it was replaced with my ackward young teen years. I’m unsure of myself again. My weight is higher then it’s been for a long time, my words don’t come out correctly, my upkeep in appearance is about non-exsistant & the last time I was out of the house was to see my grandmother, Joshua, or go out to eat.

Or0Or0 (7:26:59 PM): i was going to ask if i asked your name but i remember now
Or0Or0 (7:27:02 PM): jamie, right? :p
Or0Or0 (7:27:27 PM): o.o
Or0Or0 (7:27:28 PM): eh?
FallenWarriors (7:27:30 PM): That’s correct.
FallenWarriors (7:27:41 PM): You must know your future brides name.. =P

While I set out with dagger in hand to slay the mighty trojan, I took a break at 4 am to cry.

He used to love me so dearly. He used to have so many emotions for me. He used to remember good memories about me. He used to treat me so well. He used to draw me pictures of monkies, of hearts, of Totoro’s, of… salad fingers. He used to write me long letter even though we talked every day on the phone. He used to email me emails I couldn’t part with because they were so sweet. He used to hold me the whole time we were asleep. He used to use a kind voice no matter how mad either one of us got. He used to leave the games for Cranium. He used to use his emotions to tell me how much I meant to him. Used to… he used to.

This is borderline holding on to what I’m supposed to let go of to make a new start. My idea of starting new is reorganizing the past. Granted, not all memories need to be remembered, but at least learned from.

The day after a fight. We’re still friends. We see each other again. Our personalities, our body language, our words don’t reflect anything we’ve fought about. You make dinner, I’ll play my game. The cat will roll all over the floor until I play with my hair. She’ll jump on my lap and bug me until you yell at her. We’ll eat dinner, that you probably cooked because I’m still a bit mad at you inside.. and you, you regret some of the things you said, so you make me dinner. In any other occasion, I’d be up cleaning, cooking, acting like a “wife”. The house is a mess. You haven’t felt like cleaning because I’ve been upset with you. After the game console turns off, the TV goes on. This is what I do at home, this is what I want to do. Sit, relax, zone out. After “My Wife & Kids” and “According to Jim”, I’ll get restless. “Friends” isn’t my thing anymore. Maybe I’ll watch for a while, but then my mind just wants to go home. It’s still mad at you. Mad at the way you treat me. The games you play, the things you say. I’ll try a way to get home without feeling guilt. I’ll move to your lap, kiss you a bit. Over affection will make up for me leaving early. Though, I shouldn’t feel like I need to give an excuse for departing. You’ll get those urges, you’ll want to make love. Me, I’m not really in the mood. I just want to leave. Before we leave, you will cry. I’ll comfort you. I’ll go home. I get home, play my game, go to bed. Tomorrow, we start a new arguement. Over what? The same thing.



Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: