Archive for November, 2006|Monthly archive page

In Uncategorized on November 29, 2006 at 10:55 pm

Today I was listening to the Jersey Guys. In the past I respected these two men as intelligent, open-minded voices of the state. As I slowly lost respect for them as they started to turn to midget jokes, just zoning out on the opinions of their callers by playing the Super Mario theme, and just other displays that disgusted me. Today they broke that boundary with me. Seven simple words: “It’s not my fault Indians were stupid.”

Taken out of context that sounds extremely bad. Put back into the context of the “discussion” it’s border line racist. The discussion was about the Trail of Tears. Since I only listened to about five to ten minutes, I’m not sure how the subject was brought up. At the top of every half hour or hour they just start a new discussion, so I’m guessing it was a random topic.

During the time I actually could stomach listening to them they also said that Indians were probably too dumb to have children laying down. They would just stand up, plop the kid out, and smash the umbilical cord with a stone, then be done with it all.

Mm. When I Wikied them on accident I found out they took a lot of heat for racial comments about Asians. It’s nice to know that one of the most popular radio talk show hosts (Their broadcast reaches all of NJ, including Southern NJ, and the Eastern part of PE. Not to mention they have a streaming broadcast on the web that callers have said they’ve used.) are bottom line racists. I may be borderline hag for writing such a post, but this is completely uncalled for. These men are old enough to have lived through the Civil Rights movement, to see a modern day Trail of Tears, but they can still sit behind their mic’s and allow themselves to put down a race in the context of a racial holocaust. My respect for them is lost.

I’d even thought of calling them out on their opinions, but I decided against it. Not only do they screen their calls, they also talk over their callers & use the method of just playing music over them to totally zone them out. It’s one show, two opinions, but ignorance is what racism lives on.

Phildelphia is also considering to require every high school student to take an African American Studies class as a graduation requirement. Not a minority study class, but an African American Studies class. Isn’t that almost racist? Shouldn’t we look at racism as a whole, not just as one race and culture? I will be the first to admit that African Americans have had a large struggle over time and they still have a long way to go with some close minded people. If we taught tolerance by using blind eyes instead of sectioning out “Blacks”, “Asians”, “Whites”, “Indian”.. and just calling us people! Through the past we learn how to settle the future. We should never forget our culture, we also can’t dwell on it forever.

In high school I took Minority Studies as a elective because I was interested in teaching a class similar to that after college. The root of racism comes from ignorance. My hopes and dreams back then were to touch lives with knowledge, to extend the idea that every human is the same. Our ancestors all suffered oppression of the past, all the way down to the first American settlers, but we can’t be tied down by it. We need to correct our mistakes, realize we’re all one body united under the name “American”, and build a stronger bond between races.

Among the students in the class, I was one of the three white people. There was only one Minority class in the day, too. There were 2 Hispanic people and the rest of the twenty odd students we had were African American. I was the top student in the class, along with another white boy. The black students were there because it was an easy class, not to learn about their history. This is not to say that all black people do this just the ones in my class.

One time we had a debate about pro-slavery v. anti-slavery, I’d had to debate the pro-slavery side. One of my retorts was, “Why buy the horse, if the labor is free.” In now way do I condone slavery or racism, but I do read KKK literature. Why? To understand both sides. Even if I don’t agree with the KKK, at least I, well.. try to understand their reasoning. Also, it helps me to poke holes in their defense of their actions and beliefs.

“Why buy the horse, if the labor is free?” In my mind I already had the answer: It’s a human life, not an animal. Instead the other side just glared at me and a girl spoke up with, “Your ancestors enslaved my ancestors!” My ancestors were in Ireland and Poland until the 1900s. I wasn’t aware that slavery was an issue in either of their homelands or in the 1900s (segregation was still in effect, but slaves were freed by that time).

So stop the blaming! Move on. Fix the problem! Why don’t blacks and whites work together as a unit instead of fighting over things that haven’t directly effected us. If anything she should have been proud of her grandparent’s generation who fought for her to be in a desegregated school system. You know why? …because I’m proud of them.

NAACP has deemed the use of the word “Nigger” as being inappropriate for everyone to say. That only about fifty-two years.

We’re all just people inside, as clique as it may be, outer wrapping. Why not just make us equal? No white man is better then any black man for color reasons and vise versa. So why raise one up above the other? Because of hardship? That’s not true. If it was, then us Irish American’s would have a class built around our history. Not to mention my Polish ancestors who are still impoverished in Poland. My ancestors never owned slaves. I’m a third generation American.


In Uncategorized on November 26, 2006 at 9:52 am

I feel like a mime stuck in a “box”.

When I reach out, it feels like I touch something real, but only fall through the invisible wall when I press up against it. It seems I get this way when I see the people I graduated with on MySpace or through a blog site. I start to read about their lives of getting married, reading Islamic political theories, and just have a … a life worth talking about.
The only life I can talk about is one I made up with pixels. Certainly I can admit I play too much, or at least I did, but it doesn’t bother me. I just don’t want to be dealing cards to my ex-best friends as they laugh inside about the situation of my life. Is it my choice not to be ambitious? Or can I just settle for what’s easy, what’s going to bring me money right now? Why can’t I stomach school anymore? Is this just what I’ve become? it even as bad as I think it is?

Yes, I do need to work on my time management, but should I be ashamed I want to be a dealer in Atlantic City and not a Politicial Science/History teacher I told myself I wanted to be when I left High School?

Honestly, is it all just a game? We grow up believing we can be anything we want to be, having huge dreams for ourselves. Does anyone show us how to make that possible besides sticking your nose in a book? The basis for everything come from the root (knowledge) and it’s obtained by reading, by exploring, by learning… I understand that, but what about flipping houses? I plan to learn about real estate, go into the field, work a while, then build up to buying my own properties and flipping them.. but is there a book that can truly teach you that? What happened to hands on training!?

It’s fustrating. Fustrating enough to not want to be bothered, to be agitated..

..which I am right now. That’s why I’m not sleeping.


In Uncategorized on November 24, 2006 at 7:15 pm

One thing I never thought I’d do in my life is actually wake up at 5 am to go shopping. Let me rephrase! One thing I never thought I’d do in my life is actually wake up at 5 am. Period. That’s better. About seven hours later I’ve found out: good deals, stupid people, wreckless drivers, sparce parking & an exhausted body.


In Uncategorized on November 23, 2006 at 6:39 am
Tomorrow is Thanksgiving, which means I’m just about four weeks late on the holiday spirit. Seriously, I was flipping through the FM today only to hear “Christmas Shoes” crooning away. Not only is that the only song that can bring me to tears in a matter of moments, it pains me to see us shove Halloween and Thanksgiving {Thank’s Giveing, as they spell it at work, picture to be posted on Monday.} into the back of the closet. Are our attics too full of Christmas cheer to allow another holiday in? Not to mention, both holidays celebrate the center of my life: f-o-o-d. We’re not talkin‘ about rice cakes and trail mix here, we’re talkin‘ about dark meat, gravy, sugar coma’s… and best of all…

P-u-m-p-k-i-n P-i-e.

Mm. Anything that has the acronym “PP” is okay with meh. So have a happy Pumpkin Pie Day, you effin deserve it after getting the fall holiday teet ripped away from you this year!

I’m still debating weither I have enough courage/patience to go out again on Black Friday. As much as I’d like to go to Jackson, that’s a long drive with a lot of traffic. Nu-uh. Maybe I’ll go to Target. It’s so nice having one only 5-10 miles away now instead of 40-50. All I ask for now is a Moe’s. Not only will I be cheap head to toe, I’ll be a fat mexican? Yee ha.

Wa and I talked a lot of things out, which is good. Also, I made a brown Ninja today out of scrap felt. Looking at the poor thing you’d think he’d had a stroke. One side seems limps and lifeless, while the other side was a pretty damn good attempt at figure making.

Tomorrow’s goals:
— Eat too much.
— Sew the eyes on Ninj4.
— Sketch out a ChibiRobo doll & hat.
— Abuse boyfriend for beating my game before me.
— Sleep a lot, probably.
— Read the article on LED tee’s.
— Enjoy the day.

I’m hoping tomorrow isn’t like today. All it’s done is rain, rain, rain! It’s freezing cold rain too. Which no fun.

So, Happy Pumpkin Pie Day!

In Uncategorized on November 22, 2006 at 11:02 am

Starting Over:

1. Erasing the past. Beginning one’s life as though they’ve came fresh from the womb.

2. Finding a band-aid for old wounds, sopping up the tears & living again.

3. Starting a new chapter in life. Learning from the mistakes without letting them bog you down.

My eyes, my mouth, my fingers, my brain.. they’ve all been asleep too long. Certainly I’ve filled part of my brain (probably those dealing with spelling and whit) with Piratical knowledge, but I believe I’m over that stage in life. My game has become my passion. Why not call me a jock? Often I feel that way, expect without the social acceptance. Over time it was replaced with my ackward young teen years. I’m unsure of myself again. My weight is higher then it’s been for a long time, my words don’t come out correctly, my upkeep in appearance is about non-exsistant & the last time I was out of the house was to see my grandmother, Joshua, or go out to eat.

Or0Or0 (7:26:59 PM): i was going to ask if i asked your name but i remember now
Or0Or0 (7:27:02 PM): jamie, right? :p
Or0Or0 (7:27:27 PM): o.o
Or0Or0 (7:27:28 PM): eh?
FallenWarriors (7:27:30 PM): That’s correct.
FallenWarriors (7:27:41 PM): You must know your future brides name.. =P

While I set out with dagger in hand to slay the mighty trojan, I took a break at 4 am to cry.

He used to love me so dearly. He used to have so many emotions for me. He used to remember good memories about me. He used to treat me so well. He used to draw me pictures of monkies, of hearts, of Totoro’s, of… salad fingers. He used to write me long letter even though we talked every day on the phone. He used to email me emails I couldn’t part with because they were so sweet. He used to hold me the whole time we were asleep. He used to use a kind voice no matter how mad either one of us got. He used to leave the games for Cranium. He used to use his emotions to tell me how much I meant to him. Used to… he used to.

This is borderline holding on to what I’m supposed to let go of to make a new start. My idea of starting new is reorganizing the past. Granted, not all memories need to be remembered, but at least learned from.

The day after a fight. We’re still friends. We see each other again. Our personalities, our body language, our words don’t reflect anything we’ve fought about. You make dinner, I’ll play my game. The cat will roll all over the floor until I play with my hair. She’ll jump on my lap and bug me until you yell at her. We’ll eat dinner, that you probably cooked because I’m still a bit mad at you inside.. and you, you regret some of the things you said, so you make me dinner. In any other occasion, I’d be up cleaning, cooking, acting like a “wife”. The house is a mess. You haven’t felt like cleaning because I’ve been upset with you. After the game console turns off, the TV goes on. This is what I do at home, this is what I want to do. Sit, relax, zone out. After “My Wife & Kids” and “According to Jim”, I’ll get restless. “Friends” isn’t my thing anymore. Maybe I’ll watch for a while, but then my mind just wants to go home. It’s still mad at you. Mad at the way you treat me. The games you play, the things you say. I’ll try a way to get home without feeling guilt. I’ll move to your lap, kiss you a bit. Over affection will make up for me leaving early. Though, I shouldn’t feel like I need to give an excuse for departing. You’ll get those urges, you’ll want to make love. Me, I’m not really in the mood. I just want to leave. Before we leave, you will cry. I’ll comfort you. I’ll go home. I get home, play my game, go to bed. Tomorrow, we start a new arguement. Over what? The same thing.