Ephiphany of the Martha Kind.

In Uncategorized on February 10, 2009 at 8:04 pm

Martha came to me in a dream and told me I have to start planting a garden. Mhm.

Also, I wonder how many times a day I use the phrase, “Well, someone told me..” and insert a little tidbit of knowledge. When in fact I don’t personally know the person, I just read their blogs. I’m wonder if Woman told me to read David Lebovitz or someone from another blog encouraged me to add him to my rss list. Yes, it is sad when the internet interferes with your reality.


Pork, Saurkraut & a New Year.

In Uncategorized on January 3, 2009 at 8:48 pm

How many times do we say “the love of my life” before we actually get it right? Is love just another trial and error game we play? Just like a popular trend we were sporting in our fifth grade pictures that we’d love to burn, but mom will eventually show all your friends at some point in time. Is that love? Is that how we’re conditioned to treat lovers? With such a strong passionate love from the start, then just a pure embarrassment or even a hate in the future?

Reading my past blog entries isn’t healthy for me, not at all. It makes me scared I’m only doomed to make the same mistakes. But then another part of me challenges that part to produce these so call “mistakes” which ultimately makes me become fustrated, perhaps almost angry at myself.

The logical, rational me can accept that love isn’t that simple. There’s only a few mistakes you can make that will ultimately lead to losing that person, i.e. cheating, which sometimes that’s not always a deal breaker for some folks. People change – it’s a natural progression of life. I guess we only can hope the change in the one we love isn’t so severe that as a couple you can’t survive.

Honestly, I’m just scared. Scared sounds severe – and it is- I can’t think of a better word, just a feeling. I just don’t want our smiles to fade. Simple as that. Even my mom said I seem so much more happy, so much more like her daughter again then I have in years and years. That everytime she’s around me and especially when I’m with Brian I just seem to be all smiles. I’m bouncing around from sentence to sentence inside my head as I type because I’m so happy. My family adore him almost as much as I do (I’m being nice, I adore him a lot, lot more, even though they do adore him) and I’ve never felt that connection between my family and the man I adore. It’s like I gained another part of my family – not to mention gaining his side of the family which have done nothing but make me feel like I’ve been part of their own for years.

My mom didn’t even freak out when I said we were eventually moving some day. “Well, can I come visit!?” is what she said to me. She really cracks me up sometimes. She did make it a point to tell me we should get married before we move away, but she’s just being mom-the same woman who asked if he was going to propose for Christmas. Honestly, I know she only wants grand-babies, but she’s going to have to wait on both of those wishes. We’re both still young, me more so than him, and I want to take it slow and develop something that’s.. fair to us. I like his anaology for the idea – that most couples fail because they start at such a high pinnical that they only have one place to go… and that’s down. I believe we have and we will progress greatly together and I want to look forward to us growing together, even all the little and big challenges along the way. They’re ours. First up: painting the vinyl room. Heh.


Why beer becomes a good idea when you’re drunk..

In Uncategorized on August 31, 2008 at 5:35 am

I wish I knew that answer.

At one point yesterday evening I was asking myself that question: “Why does beer become such a great idea only when I’m drunk?” The next morning I’d have a quasi-answer in the way of a headache. Booze makes you stupid.

Not to say I haven’t had my best epiphanies when I was slammed. Last night most of which revolved around the soul. I’m very interested in the deliverance of a soul, the dispersion. Do we really just die? Or do we leave fragments of bone in the earth as our soul floats around & dances with the clouds? Probably neither. I actually don’t care much, but I always find myself in a half romantically dazed about it when I become drunk.

I think it all started because I was telling Brian that he brings out a different side in me, which he does. I’m very free & very open in his presence. I feel like there’s been years between us when it’s just been months. We’re kindred souls in a way, I suppose. At one point when we were going through the traditional chatting about your likes and dislikes when you first meet someone.. I squealed, “Tell me you love olives!” because we had that much in common. Our tastes are similar, our likes, our dislikes.. but we have striking differences too.

I’ve lost years of my life to the computer, but he’s never owned one. He’s so musically talented, but I can barely stand to pick up an instrument for more than ten minutes before I get frustrated & get a headache. He’s totally reckless at times and I’m a worrier, very conscious of every repercussion of my actions.

So how can we be so much alike & be so different. I went on a rant about how fragments of people who lived in the past’s souls were passed down into us as we were born. Not reincarnation in so many words, but a collection of the universe? Things come together and create a full puzzle – to create us. Maybe I have fragments of his past soul, as well as he has parts of mine. Perhaps that’s the “spark” people find between each other. Perhaps that’s “love at first sight”, friendship, opposites attracting, deja vu.. memories we never experienced, but we’ve seen before… in a past life. Maybe we knew their soul in a past life, or like I said, we could share a fragment.

Maybe that’s why beer becomes a good idea when I’m drunk.

♦ En-rich-ed in thought.